You Are Enough: How I Used Ancient Yogic Wisdom to Stop People-Pleasing

For most of my life, I lived by a single strategy: perform to be enough.

Perform smart. Perform happy. Perform pretty. Perform nice.

Occasionally, I’d succeed in convincing someone I was enough. But then I was stuck in a pickle—because now I had to maintain the performance. I’d replay interactions over and over in my head, worrying I’d said the wrong thing, worn the wrong outfit, or upset someone. I’d rehearse what I’d say next time, constantly prepping my next performance.

Despite my success at people-pleasing, deep down I still didn't feel enough because I knew their approval wasn't based on my authentic self. How could it be? I hadn't let them see who I actually was. My success felt empty because, in trying to please others by hiding behind a mask, I ended up completely alone.

"In trying to please others by hiding behind a mask, I ended up completely alone."

In 2018, I attended a 10-day retreat at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health focused on granthis—the yogic concept of energetic knots or subconscious blockages that keep us bound to old patterns. As part of my advanced yoga teacher training, we were learning advanced pranayama and meditation techniques designed to stir up this unconscious material, untie these inner knots, disrupt automated survival patterns, and reveal the vast inner space that exists beyond them.

By night four, after hours of intense breathwork and practice, something in my psyche began to shift.

For the first time, I could feel a new space opening up inside me. From this perspective, I saw clearly that my old patterns weren't all of me. I was more than my survival strategies. I wasn't just my thoughts, my feelings, or my ego. While I had glimpsed this truth before, this was the first time I engaged in practices built to sustain it.

Walking through the common area that evening, I stopped to chat with a few women from the retreat, then moved on to say hello to another group. As I made the rounds, I caught myself toggling back and forth between my old reflex—trying to prove I was likable through a performance—and resting in this newfound inner space.

As I observed this internal struggle, something remarkable happened: I noticed people actually responded more warmly when I let down my guard.

Dropping the mask felt counterintuitive, but it invited others to do the same. In place of my usual anxiety about rejection or criticism, I experienced genuine connection and relief from isolation. For the first time, I had lived experience proving it was safe to show up as my authentic self.

I looked at my old masking pattern and realized: I don’t need this anymore.

I let go of the old belief that I am not enough, and a new core belief was born in the space it left behind: My True Self is already enough.

Unlearning a lifelong habit doesn't happen overnight. But now I had a new framework. Whenever I caught myself performing, I could choose to step back into my True Self, gather real-world data, and trust that perfection wasn't required.

That retreat was years ago, but stepping into that vast inner space—and trusting that my true nature is already enough—has become the ground I stand on.

"You can't get your authentic self 'wrong.' Other people's thoughts and opinions aren't mine to manage."

I no longer replay conversations or worry if someone is mad at me. I know now that you can't get your authentic self "wrong." Other people's thoughts and opinions aren't mine to manage. My only job is to inhabit my own essence and trust that others are doing the same as best they know how.

Ready to Find Your Ground?

If you're ready to untie your own inner knots and explore these transformational practices for yourself, join my upcoming Pranayama Series this fall.